Sad Days

Some days I wake-up and I feel under the weather mentally and emotionally. On days like these, I tend to favor lit candles, incense, singer-songwriter music, walks, and minimal social interaction. I prefer to be alone.

I believe it is important to understand why we act how we do, or feel the things we do is. I also believe it is okay to feel emotion and to not always have a fine-tuned understanding as to why these feelings are present and joining us. Some times we are sad and we don’t need to uproot everything to find the source. Just hang with the feelings… let them be.

When I wake-up and feel off… sensing a high level of emotion or sensitivity, I quickly assess myself, and then I move forward.

“What is this Holly…? Is this everyday? Just today? An occasional state of being? How long have you been feeling this way? How often? Be honest!”

I recognize that the day is going to be an off day, and I accept it. I realize I will likely eat crappier than normal, take a long midday nap, not get through my to-do list, and spend endless time staring off with a foggy mind.

The self check-in helps me decide if this is more than a dreary day or a storm that will quickly pass. I know many people in my life who have battled depression, anxiety, and mental illness. I choose to be mindful and to ask myself… what is this Holly? Those conversations help me to recognize the difference between needing to extend an arm and seek further help, or continue with my day, honoring the sad feelings, and letting them pass, like a visitor.

I assess and and then I breathe. Today I am sad. That is okay.

We don’t always need a grand reasoning as to what is causing sadness, frustration, anger, or low self-esteem. We are all going to have off days… sometimes it turns into two days, three, four, maybe a week! As long as I am waking every morning and checking-in with myself, I am doing alright.

“Another rough day huh? Feeling bummed about nothing in particular? Giving yourself a hard time for eating that extra large chocolate bar last night? Okay self… we will hang in this Eeyore state of mind… for now.”

“If it is a good morning, which I doubt.”- Eeyore 

When it becomes too consistent… then we are going to change our strategy.

For me, the process of understanding sadness is mindfulness. I consider how long I have felt negative, or how often. I look at what is going on around me that could be causing me to feel under the weather. Is it super cold and cloudy out? Have my husband and I been arguing? Am I missing my family? Is there something at work that has me carrying a higher load of stress than typical? I take time to look at what is happening in my life, and recognize how those events could be bogging down my happy- o -meter.

I am in no way dismissing the importance and legitimacy of true depression and mental illness that requires even grander awareness and at times, medication, therapy, and professional support. Those who suffer from a greater deal of sadness that lasts beyond a short time frame… extending into months or years… that is more than I am capable of speaking to because that is not something I have experienced. Again, this is why I consistently check-in with myself. If I begin to see a pattern that is beyond the occasional gray day, then I know this may require grander attention.

At this time, I am only talking about the temporary gray days that I do know exist, and noting that those gray days are okay. It is okay to have sad days. It is also okay to recognize that it is more, much deeper, and to extend an arm for help.

I feel like we all revert to acting like everything is okay all the time… to everyone at work, at the store, at a party gathering… to everyone except for the bathroom mirror. What is it about the bathroom mirror? It brings out all my confessions!

Being sad is okay. Admitting we are sad is okay. Can you imagine what that realness might look like?

Co-worker: “Good morning, how are you?”

You: “Ugh man, I am crappy today. I don’t really know why… just feeling tired and off for some reason. I would love to skip work and eat salty popcorn while watching Garden State.”

Co-worker: “I hate those days. I had one of those last week. That is why I called in sick. I hope it gets better for you.”

We revert to “I’m fine” because we fear the vulnerability and honesty of having a rough day. What would happen if we were honest? Would it turn out worse than we already feel?

My point is… be mindful of the sad days when things feel off and be okay with it. It is temporary and part of the human experience. If it isn’t temporary and you are bogged down all the time… a 24/7 Eeyore… then go talk about it with someone. That too is okay!